


Destiny turned her face

by DecayMode



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, OBKK if you squint really hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 09:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12273396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecayMode/pseuds/DecayMode
Summary: Kakashi's only getting worse. The more Sakura sees of it, the harder it is to fight for him.





	Destiny turned her face

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to point out any typos or mistakes.

Kakashi was only getting worse. Maybe she was the only one to see the changes back then. Now, however, they are for everyone to see and take notice.

The first drastic change was with Naruto's leave with Jiraiya, when Sakura also left to become Tsunade's apprentice. She saw nothing of Hatake Kakashi for a good month at first, and only caught a glimpse of him here and there after that for weeks. Being too shy, she didn't interact with him for a full year.

They went on a mission together a week after she turned fifteen. During Sakura's watch, Kakashi was out like a daylight, and it was about seven minutes before he started muttering under his breath and breathing heavily. His right hand kept on twitching the next day.

Sakura wanted to ask, would've done anything to have the right to—but at the time, their relationship were too fragile. She couldn't bring that up because she knew it would push her sensei away.

Now she realizes that it isn't the sole reason. Kakashi doesn't keep everything to himself; rather, he simply keeps it, suppresses every trauma, every terrible incident or bad memory deep within his subconscious mind. Bringing that up is similar to tearing him apart again, so she doesn't, and neither do any of Konoha's counselors.

The core understanding of shinobi world crept into Sakura's head once she discovered one... truth about him, taking advantage of her position in the hospital: it isn't for the good of Kakashi no one tries to force him into therapy. Having a shinobi of Hatake Kakashi's level retire is a waste in terms of managing a Hidden Village. No one would do that. Tsunade certainly seems like she wouldn't, no matter how angered her apprentice gets.

Sakura smiles at the vendor, takes the paper bag filled with oranges and apples from the counter in one hand, picks up another, filled with other groceries, and turns in the direction of Kakashi's and her shared apartment. She was the one to insist after the war.

_“Say, if we were to split our rent, maybe it'd be easier for both of us, hmm?” Sakura asks in the most casual voice she could possibly muster, but feels the choking grasp of fear on her insides. If he refuses, god knows how it might end in the long run—it might not be a long run at all._

_“I don't see why not,” Kakashi drags his left foot just a bit behind with every step. It isn't easy to notice if you aren't looking. Sakura can only guess whether it's a fresh injury or an old wound. She sighs in relief._

And if she had thought that Kakashi wasn't doing well before, after moving in with him all those worries seemed like a child imagining what a real battle is—very far from reality.

Sakura doesn't like Uchiha Obito. Obito might have given his life to save the world, redeeming himself without the intent to do so, but after all he had put Team Seven through Sakura will never forgive him no matter how hard she tells herself to.

Kakashi, on the other hand, seems oblivious to all the wrongdoings of his teammate. He saw his death as a loss, not redemption. After learning of his life prior to Team Seven, she hoped that the resolution he had during the last battle with Madara and then Kaguya would set him on a path of healing. Now it looks like it only made it worse.

With a heavy heart Sakura approaches their apartment building. It's a nice place. Never crowded, quite spacious. She loves it here. Kakashi doesn't pay it any mind. He seems to do that to many things, lately. Sakura can feel her hope dying—if Kakashi eats the dinner tonight, she will be delighted, but if he doesn't...

It hurts to admit, but she won't think twice about it anymore. She is tired of dragging him out of the pit of his own thoughts and regrets.

Sakura loves Kakashi, but it looks like she isn't ready to face all that shit that shinobi history is and how it affected previous generations.

She collects herself before taking the first step up the stairs—making Kakashi worry over her bad mood is the last thing she wants to do. This last week was the worst so far, as he was so lost inside his head he didn't tell her a single word until they met at Tsunade's office.

_“I thought you were having a time off!” Sakura turns into her beast-mode, ready to punch through walls. If she lands him in the hospital to keep him from taking a mission, so be it. “How can you take a mission when you told me you'd be home for a—“_

_“She didn't give me any.” Like usual, his response is emotionless at best. He is keeping up a face or truly does not give a damn, and not knowing which one it is is the really scary thing here._

She reaches their floor, tries to get her keys while balancing two grocery bags in her lap with one hand. The door is closed on two locks, one of which can only be closed with a key. Hot annoyance shoots through her, mixing with the desire to beat someone up. It all vanishes once she thinks that something could be greatly amiss, as they never lock their door all the way.

“Oi, Sakura-chan!” she looks down over the railing to see Naruto on the sidewalk. He is rocking on his heels back and forth, hands locked behind his head, and while he looks the worse for wear after a training session, there is the happiest smile plastered on his face. “I wanted to go to that new place with guys, you wanna join in? I hoped to invite Kakashi-sensei, too, I thought he was taking it easy—did he leave for a mission or something? I can't feel him at all...”

“He's home,” confused, Sakura finally manages to get the door open. Stale air from the inside goes straight to her head. The image of the battlefield, with corpses and ruins and Naruto and Sasuke by her sides flashes through her mind as the smell takes her back to that day.

She drops the groceries by the door, hesitantly making her way inside their apartment. Sakura recognizes the smell, knows it well after all her experience as a medic, but doesn't dare put a name to it just yet, so the word just hangs there on her tongue.

She passes through the hall and leans on the doorway. The first aid kit lies on a small table in the living room. Sakura looks at her right, ignoring Naruto's upset yells, and sees the door to the bathroom wide open. Sounds of rushing water are filling the room, now that she notices. She holds her breath, crosses the remaining distance, and sinks to her knees.

He sits against the wall, blood from a wide gap in his stomach washed away by the stream of water. Kakashi doesn't have his mask on—his lips are blue, and mouth slightly open like he is dozing off and not sitting there dead. His head hangs low. Almost like his neck is broken, or he's fallen asleep reading.

“Sakura?” Now sounding worried, Naruto is already entering the apartment. His steps echo.

Sakura is hypervigilant. The world around her shifts to the matter of things—even the blood on Kakashi's skin isn't blood anymore, just liquid of a color that stands out from the negative space of the room.

Naruto's warmth appears behind her back, she hears him squeak funnily and stands up, slamming the door shut before he can do anything. Sakura breaks down in tears, falling on the floor like a rag doll, to the sounds of Naruto screaming and breaking the bathroom door instead of just _using the doorknob, the idiot._

Sakura sees Kakashi's bitter smile, the scar crossing his gifted eye. She remembers Gai's happy shrug and Yamato's shy, amazed gaze, all addressed to one person—that vacuous bastard sitting under the shower spray.


End file.
